A very strange thing happened on Wednesday, November 7, 2012. I woke up, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping as usual. I was shocked, to say the least. You see, President Obama had just been reelected to a second term, and I'd been told by many right-wingers for over a year that the world would come to an end if Obama won. Well, obviously, the ones who believed in apocalypse were wrong. That still left room for other right-wing predictions - such as a communist or Muslim takeover - to come true.
As the day wore on, I realized that things were definitely not quite right. I got into my car, which was strange in and of itself. Gangs of marauding minority youths hadn't rioted and set it on fire, having been emboldened by the election. I shrugged my shoulders and started off to the grocery store. I was startled to see that there was still food on the shelves. Obviously, those marauding gangs were falling down on the job, because the grocery store had not been looted and torched while I slept. Clearly, gangs aren't what they used to be. They are now too lazy even to loot. Either that, or another right-wing prediction had been wrong. I kept shopping, amazed to see that prices had not quintupled over night, as the pundits had promised. By now, I was really confused. Imagine my consternation when I went to use my debit card at the checkout counter and the damned thing actually worked! My money had NOT been confiscated and added to our new communist government's coffers for redistribution to illegal immigrants and welfare queens. By now, I was becoming a bit unsettled at the inaccuracy of the GOP's predictions. I loaded my groceries into my car (which had not been stolen while I was shopping) and went home. I cannot even describe how amazed I was to see that my home was still standing -- it hadn't been torched by gangs or razed to make way for a barbed wire-surrounded communist-style work camp. When I went inside, there were no squatters telling me that my home now belonged to OWS.
As the day wore on, it became clear to me that nobody was coming from FEMA to take me away and stick me in a concentration camp. My republican neighbors hadn't been rounded up and shot, either. As the 5:00 prayer time came and went, I realized that my local Taliban representative had never shown up to distribute my mandatory burqua and Koran. By now, I started to think that perhaps I'd been lied to. The world hadn't ended in a fiery conflagration; communists hadn't confiscated my property, gangs were not taking over my town, and I hadn't been forced into a burqua or raped and beheaded by the Taliban. I'm starting to believe that the only marauding thugs around are the GOP. They should give Romney supporters back their donations due to false advertising - or false apocalpyse predicting, in this case.
Ah, well. You win some, you lose some. I'm still pissed about not getting that burqua, though. Just think of the nice tent I could have made out of it if in that FEMA camp.