Over the past week and a half there have been multiple allegations of sexual harassment leveled against GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain. Today, a new victim spoke out, claiming that Cain harassed him, too. "In the late 80's, I worked for rival pizza chain Domino's in their advertising department, but by the early 90's, I'd been laid off. I went to Mr. Cain in good faith looking for a job, thinking that as a former insider, I could help Cain and Godfather's strategize to ruin Domino's once and for all. Instead, Mr. Cain told me if I wanted a job I'd have to give him a slice." claimed The Noid. "He said he liked it hot, with sausage, and asked if I could give it to him in under thirty minutes. He kept asking if my meatballs tasted good. I've never been so humiliated in all of my life, and that's saying a lot for a guy who dresses up in a red bunny costume for a living. When he opened up my box and tried to stuff my crust, I just ran out of there.
When first confronted about the allegations, Herman Cain replied "The Noid? I don't recognize the name. I've never met him." Cain later changed his story, claiming that he did in fact recall the victim, but that he was lying. "I would never have asked him to deliver a sausage. Everybody knows I prefer anchovies". When asked whether he had tried to stuff the Noid's crust, Cain's spokesman, J.D. Gordon, tried to hustle Cain out a side door, while Cain blurted out, "I knew I should have avoided that Noid."